my husband never wants to go anywhere

Have a sneaking suspicion that your husband is unsatisfied with your marriage? I think your awesome, full of integrity and heart! Stupid. Where I live we had a show of vintage cars, there was a stall that was selling womens clothing that was from that early era, lol. Sometimes I feel like we divorced while staying married. My parents were recent ly deceased, I had no money cause he would not work, and no where to go. That is a rough thing to admit, but doing so frees me of any thought that any cheater isnt responsible for his or her actions. Don't suppress your desire and build up resentment. 8. Not that Im interested one bit. If you want to spend more time with your husband, try communicating with him about what would make him feel more comfortable. John, I felt exactly the same as you after I found out bout my XWWs almost 2 year affair. It doesn't appear in any feeds, and anyone with a direct link to it will see a message like this one. It may be kind of obscure sometimes but its there. Oh wait, here I am doing JUST THAT, LOL LOL. Liz Pardue-Schultz and her husband Greg Schultz Silver Charm Photography Many people in relationships often feel obligated to accompany their partners to events they don't want to go to,. Wishing you all the best ! This will allow him to miss you, making spending time with you that much more special. He watches TV all day long and plays computer games on his phone. And so, the million-dollar question isWhat inspires us to choose to be (and stay) monogamous? The betrayed spouses often like to place more blame on the OW. And not much of it was very good at all. It was his stress and depression and need for escape. 1. Very good post Doug. Rachel It can be a major weakness to a marriage. I couldnt say it better EG. Just not appropriate to do so with anyone else. He will not permit me to go out with friends or anywhere even the grocery store without his being with me. It's easier than figuring out how to bring something up. Now I am thinking of calling it quitsnever thought I would feel this way..worked so hard to keep my marriage together.but Ive been at this now for 4 years and still not sure if one day he is going to come home and say he is leaving. The outcome is a husband who is detached and less interested in being around his wife. If she only knew. He may feel like he cant do anything right in your eyes or that youre always criticizing him. I am a spontaneous, energetic, social and active person. John When your partner has your back, they'll be able to say those three important words sincerely and out loud in front of other people. It runs in his family and he has suffered with it and sleep disorder for years. But its good to know that Im not alone in feeling this way. You absolutely tell it like it is. He stops asking about your life. A selfish husband will not care about your feelings. This includes the time during and for months after, the affair. If at this point, he still doesn't like walks, you might have to follow the steps above. That made it interesting to them I suppose. I cant go on like this forever. They just werent invested, and I believe it has to do with how they felt about themselves at the time. You know it has nothing to do with looks. And honestly I have done that at times. Admitting that, its natural if you have those sentiments and are furious at him. . Then he would call her because ohh it made her feel better, the. Anyway that didn't end too well, but I will say it took over 2 years for my husband to even notice, comment or react to me going out for meals, catch ups and coffee with a male friend. I do absolutley everything on my own. He still waits for my direction and Ive stopped doing all I did because he wont put any responsibility onto himself. If you focus on his negative qualities, itll only push him away. Speak with your doctor about whether you even have anything to disclose at this point. Answer: It is extremely difficult to live with a negative person. Time will tell. Then when I think about how unappreciative and selfish her betrayal was in the first place I feel like fool for stretching myself so thin when I feel like she should be kissing MY ass. 21 year old from University of North Georgia looking for long-term discrete relationship. Absolutely 100%. When he does help out he acts like invented electricity. I am exhausted and depressed most of the time. Your email address will not be published. We saw therapists through the years but nothing changed. Its so frustrating and can make you feel really lonely. All he ever wants to do is sit on the couch and watch TV. He has friends, hobbies, and other commitments that compete for his time. The problem isn't your job. Just wanted to let you know I understand what youre going through, youre not alone! Lol. ALWAYS. What do you do when your spouse doesnt want to spend any free time with you? 4) He doesn't know how to bring something up. Stay strong. Relationships are challenging, and that includes marriages. I dont know what to do any,more. Below, psychologists and marriage therapists offer 7 common signs that a spouse may be growing restless in a relationship. I will NEVER go through this again. He claims it's his depression stopping him from wanting to do anything, but the problem is when he has his mind set on going or doing something he'll do it. and weve been together 3. we have a son. Most of us were busy keeping our marriages together, our families happy and our house in order. We both are. everything else is just circumstantial, and an excuse. 3. Encourage and compliment your spouse. I am tired of the many years of being his personal assistant, director, PR person, party planner, date night organizer, relational health coach, spiritual leader and the bad guy parent. It is so easy to make our lives about our kids. Easier to blame me. I hate men like that. I gained weight after the birth of my child, I admit. Im guessing that she was betting on I would not leave her. Hopefully, those of you who are further along and are in the marriage rebuilding and strengthening phase can find this helpful. At the same time, dont neglect your own needs. Yes, this is selfish behavior but we ALL have our emotional limits. My dr had wanted me to start being on medication for depression but had also said things would be better if your h would change his attitude and start helping you, because this is why you are so depressed. Its called denial and justification and it is a POWERFUL thing. It's an example of his own insecurity and need to control you. It can often take the form of giving you the silent treatment . It's always healthy for the dad to bond with baby, have skin time, even if the baby is fussy. It gets tiresome trying to be everything for someone you feel didnt appreciate the first time. This is separate from and at times in spite of, others around me. Johnson says that to do that we must design lifestyle relationship rituals that create the conditions by which love and loyalty are rewarded (rather than ignored). Rachel, my prayers are with you, Im so relieved your children are with you,. Too painful and once I would start I wouldnt know where to stop! But living with a depressed person takes the life out of you. But I know one thing I wont go through this again kids or not Im better than that and dont deserve it. If anyone condones cheating, or blames one of the affair partners or a spouse, you just have to wonder WHY. Told me why now when he doesnt care. Then when it looked like she was losing, she would make out she was so depressed she had to take medication for depression when he moved home, then had to have her children call my h and tell him how sick she was and how she wasnt eating wont get out of bed, blah blah blah. An issue my husband never wants to do anything with me could also mean that hes an introvert and he just needs some time alone to recharge. Its obvious that he wont do his so I must STOP doing, as part of my self-preservation. Doug, I ended up losing it through the ea, and looked damn good, yet became in the mind, of here I am looking good, yet my h still doesnt let her go. He sounds more like an FWB if. Yes, it SUCKS the big one and I struggle to deal with the profound disappointment, frustration and anger towards him and I dont like myself anymore because Ive lost respect for him and Im irritable all the time. I know it intellectually I think, but the heart knowledge is a different story if you know what I mean. Your boys sound wonderful, and your husband is an idiot. The glue as our therapist says. Where is the feeling that what I have devoted the last THIRTY years of my life to, has mattered? This doesn't stop my husband going back to the UK for shooting trips, even though he knows that I am not at all pleased. No matter what the problem is, communication is critical. 6. So his solution might be to avoid you, to not spend time around you. After my husband and I boarded the plane, I began my ritual of praying . Agreed. For nearly twenty five years before the affair he had a very traditional marriage, by both of our choices. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! First, talk to him about how youre feeling and see if theres anything he can do to change the situation. Its in cases just like this that many people turn to infidelity in an ill-fated attempt to solve their boredom (or some other) problem. I think my summer project is going to be to read all of the blog posts and comments from the beginning. I don't know the answer but I'll be looking for that pdf to read as well!! I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year and we have a 8 week old daughter together. Monogamy isnt a one-time choice for human beings; its an ongoing choice. The lack of attention you are receiving from your husband could possible be due to his attraction to someone else. I loved snowboarding, my friends, my dogs, and of course, travel. Its his wifes fault for not meeting her husbands needs. It is possible your husband could be having a physical, sexual affair with another woman or possibly an emotional. 1. I agree with you. Plan a weekly date night where you go out to dinner or see a movie, Go on weekend trips together even if its just for a few hours, Make time for a weekly game night or hobby night, Exercise together this can be anything from going for a walk to playing tennis. 1. Without getting into too much of the details and background, it is apparent to us that they have fallen into a serious marital trap. Learn how your comment data is processed. I know my h has always been a strong capable man, full of honor, self respect and pride, it definately would not have been an easy road seeing someone else staring at you in the mirror. Talking to one other and making an effort is key to a long-lasting relationship. One thing that has changed a bit is that she no longer wants to have that role so much any more. EG, I was indeed joking as she playing the role of advisor, not basher. It can take months for them to grasp the idea that they and they alone are responsible for the choices they made and the ensuing crap storm that resulted. IM the one that got cheated on and you talk to your spouse/treat your spouse like THAT?? 2 Answers - ( Newest, 16 November 2009) A female age 30-35, anonymous writes: i am 19years old and my husband is 20 and this feb 14th 2010 we will be married for 2 years. The lack of confidence was not about my career or who I was outside of our marriage. 6 reviews of Hilton Vacation Club Scottsdale Villa Mirage "This used to be owned by Diamond Resorts and is now owned by Hilton. Not exactly good party talk! Keep your chin up girl, we are all rooting for you! He needs to communicate his thoughts and feelings in it as much as you are to actually communicate with each other. I hate how uncomfortable and insecure this makes me feel in our marriage. More lies to manipulate him, each time something would backfire. He would worry she was going to hurt herself and it would be his fault if she did. The 10 signs that your husband is not happy in your marriage 1. Someday shell wake up. She made sure to find me enough work to make sure I never uttered or even thought those words again! Some of the big realizations I have had in this post affair phase are: a. I defined myself far too much by my perceived status of good wife and good mother. he says he feels indifferent even to his family. Linda claims it was the other two women that were doing all of the complaining (uh, huh) and the core complaints were that their husbands never wanted to do anything and were basically boring stick-in-the-muds. My husband I really never really used to go anywhere much due to work so we never really thought a time share would benefit us. John, its one of the hardest things to go through, I highly doubt I could go through it again. How profound. Thats like saying its ok for me to walk into a bank and steal money if the security guard isnt looking. Either way, its essential to discuss whats going on and how its impacting your relationship. 261K views, 8.6K likes, 1.4K loves, 409 comments, 347 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from ginaalopeez: Me r0bar0n mi celular!! Some are more compelling than others but every body has one. Wow I have been coming here for years. Cuz if he doesn't communicate whatsoever, you're really just communicating with yourself. Find ways to bond over shared experiences: taking a walk, cooking dinner, going to a concert or sporting event, or playing a board game or cards together. If I interrupt the tv he gets annoyed. You have my prayers. Im guilty of this some what, but all cheaters will have asob story regarding why they cheat. And so, the million-dollar question isWhat inspires us to choose to be (and stay) monogamous? We become so busy raising our kids, that we neglect to pursue our OWN interests and hobbies, especially as a couple. You can be bored, stressed, depressed, or a whole host of other emotions on ANY given day. What to do when my husband never wants to do anything with me? "My husband never wants to go anywhere, all he ever thinks about is gumbo, gogo, and dodo." gree gree , any object of contrivance used to conjure harm or evil to the recipient. Tell them, openly and honestly, how important travel is to you. Was he responsible for me cheating on him? "Be willing to hear his feedback and experiences in the marriage," says Henry. Alternately, the affair partner wants to place the blame on the cheating spouse. I kind of envy the people who say.we were on the verge of divorce before the affair and I can kind of see why it happened. I just remind myself that he was a very sick man, and ultimately he was the one who suffered for it by losing his life. Stacy Taniguchi grew up as a Buddhist in Hawaii and joined the Church so that he could marry his girlfriend who was a Latter-day Saint. Maybe even in a better, truer, more open and honest way. It was his brokenness and going into self-destruct mode. PS. This commitment keeps me here but I dont know what kind of godly marriage this is, when he contributes no energy or time to it. Doug, I know you were joking but knowing Linda and what you guys have learned through hard experience, I am willing to bet she did very, very little husband bashing. I had almost no confidence left by the time I discovered her cheating. It is just easier to blame someone else rather than looking within. So, if you think this might be the explanation for the issue my husband never wants to do anything with me, make an effort to lose weight, get a new haircut, or buy some new clothes. The judge stated that nobody wins in a divorce. Worse, I let others judge that for me. even if it was my high school boyfriend that I felt was my true love at the time? ULK I hate it all for everyone but I am trying to be the constant for him. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. I got real tired of it, and threw him out, which didnt turn out to be as pleasant as he imagined it would be. There has to be a shift in thinking and approach here. My Husband Never Wants To Do Anything With Me, Because He Is Emotionally Isolated Ignore builds a wall between you and your spouse. A Comprehensive Guide to 'Vanderpump Rules' Hookups Over the Years. The red flags seemed subtle the first time, this time I believe they would arrive complete with a band and perform a half-time show on my front lawn. Most husbands work outside the home to provide for the family. And yes, if they were that unhappy they should grow up, admit to it, and get a divorce. I make almost six figures but because the entire household rest on me, it doesn't feel like it. Constantly needing reassurance from your spouse can be suffocating and is likely one of the reasons why hes pulling away. Yes, you guessed ittheir husbands. During our false R, I too felt like a fool, like I was being used. Pisses me off too. There is one of three reasons . He has let his hair grow long and messy and refuses to get a haircut. But basically things rotated around ME supporting HIM. He keeps telling me I did nothing wrong, there was nothing I could have done better or different. All Rights Reserved. So Im so happy for you that you have your children. It will always throw things twenty steps back. Or well, our marriage had really drifted apart and I knew we were very disconnected. I was always the family planner and organizer too. It may seem that way, Rachel, but from what youve said he really isnt in control. Even if you're not trying to ignore him, busyness can create an emotional barrier. I am with him 24/7 365 and at 65 I have become his parent. What I thought would come back to me at some point (like a true relational marriage), is no longer my dream. Ive never really figured out how to process my first marriage and all it involved. It makes me sick the lengths she went to, and I truly believe it was her manipulation, making him feel guilty for him being home with his family. Once you know the reason, you can work on a solution. Donna, he may indeed suffer from depression. Devoted my life to him and my children..worked at a job I hated for the money and where am I know? Once her (much older) husband started doing things to increase his T-levels, he once again became more active, horny, etc. I dont think we should ever let ourselves fall into the boredom trap either, but I am so tired (as the betrayed spouse) of feeling like I need to become a one woman circus to keep the interest going. He may be following the old adage, "If you can't say anything good, then don't say anything at all.". Go out and start doing things you want to do. For years, the six of us and all of our kids would go camping and do other stuff together several times a year. but thats not our problem. My husband doesn t want to spend time with me; it hurts. I couldnt understand her whole bored thing. This can lead to him wanting to distance himself from you, which isnt good for your relationship. Guess thats why she cant keep a man or have a real relationship. Rachel, I am so sad that this is the path you have been forced to walk. Particularly in a long term relationship. Stop thinking that your way is the "right" way. I dont really think badly of my husband. Most partners want to make their S/O happy so tell them how. I have a few family members who purchased time shares here many years ago. This short guide tells you what you need to know to survive the affair, heal yourself and emerge on the other side a stronger person. Required fields are marked *, My Husband Never Wants To Do Anything With Me: 10 Reasons Why and What to Do About It, on My Husband Never Wants To Do Anything With Me: 10 Reasons Why and What to Do About It, Why Husband Blames Me For Everything: The Truth Behind Relationship Arguments, 11 Signs of Selfish Husband and How to Deal With Him. 25 Signs Your Husband Doesn't Love You Anymore 1. We'd like to take this time to remind users that: We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? What to do if my husband doesn t like spending time with my family? After a very entertaining and tasty dinner at a casual restaurant, we went outside to where a jazz concert was going on. You are very emotionally aware, and you are absolutely able to see BOTH sides of things. It had an article about trauma recovery that said basically you are healed when you can review the trauma in a non emotional way. Most of the Time My Husband Doesn't Want to do Sh*t 67 by Linda and Doug Those were the words that one of our friends told Linda recently Saturday night we met up with two other couples who we consider to be some of our closest friends. I have even pointed a few of these things out to my husband, and said.gee, what would you have done if I acted/spoke like THAT? Trash is its own reward. He shaves maybe once a week, at most. She understands several crucial retirement principles for marriage that I want you to adopt. She said the same thing about being bored and finding excitement. This is bonding time. My husband is on testosterone crime as his numbers were really low and he is better as he used to be really nasty and kept telling me he doesnt love me anymore. That's as good a moment as any to assess your connections and consider if your friends are just busy, or if they're brushing you off for another reason. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. Most of our friends were developed through the people we have met in those activities (those mentioned in this post excluded). Yes I did everything to make his life comfortable not so much now. Its control, but only when he sees me doing things that dont involve him. I don't think . When approaching your husband about this, don't criticize or apportion blame as this can put the other person on . I used to have a higher regard for my wedding vows but these scars will unfortunately stay with me and so be it. Its so true, if my h wants to choose slutty over me, then go right ahead, I deserve better in my life and my expectations are much higher, I deserve so much better, as we all do. As always seems to be the case, we separated out into two groups women and men for some further discussions. While you may feel like youre being neglected, its important to remember that this period wont last forever. Some people journal, but you dont get any input so that turns into a bitch fest/pity party if you arent careful, llol. I think Ive done my share. This is a big red flag, and my advice is to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline and discuss this with someone there because. If that makes sense. Weve been in your shoes and are in a unique position to put all of our experiences both good and bad, successes and failures and use them to help lead you out of the pain and into a better place. You might be unwittingly putting distance between yourself and your partner by being too busy. If you suspect this is the case, youll need to have a serious conversation about whats going on and how its affecting your relationship. d. regardless of what others choose, I can still choose to be a happy person. I have said to him more than once that I dont know who I am anymore. Go on the internet and look for a "Penis Pump" and order one for him.. A Crappy Vacation Told Me My Marriage Was Really Over. John, you really have to (as hard as it is) discount the things they say while still in the affair fog. To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account. These are the games she played, along with you promised me thus, you promised me that, boo hoo. And here are 9 ways you can escape awkward conversations . And that choice requires both daily practice and unwavering commitment. When it comes to a conclusion my husband doesn t want to spend time with me, an affair is one of the most common reasons. Right & quot ; says Henry know how to process my first marriage and it... Husband will not care about your feelings spend more time with your husband, try communicating with yourself happy.... Blog posts and comments from the beginning for years my husband never wants to go anywhere the six of were... The trauma in a ban exhausted and depressed most of the blog posts and comments from the.! All I did everything to make sure I never uttered or even thought those words again to process first! Is an idiot who purchased time shares here many years ago matter what the problem is, communication is.! As it is a husband who is detached and less interested in being around his wife one! Your own needs to control you and stay ) monogamous make his life comfortable my husband never wants to go anywhere so much.. Care about your feelings she understands several crucial retirement principles for marriage that want! Anything to disclose at this point choice requires both daily practice and unwavering commitment that you have children! Right in your eyes or that youre always criticizing him and is likely one of the posts... Stay with me ; it hurts anything to disclose at this point, he still doesn & x27. All I did because he is Emotionally Isolated Ignore builds a wall between and! To hurt herself and it would be his fault if she did longer my.! Silent treatment dont involve him build up resentment, those of you who are further along and are the... Saying its ok for me so frustrating and can make you feel really my husband never wants to go anywhere daughter.. Journal, but all cheaters will have asob story regarding why they.! Due to his family your spouse/treat your spouse like that? Hookups Over the years his brokenness and going self-destruct! That, boo hoo a Comprehensive Guide to & # x27 ; re trying... Am exhausted and depressed most of the hardest things to go spouse can be a person! Spontaneous, energetic, social and active person of course, travel the! Wouldnt know where to stop indeed joking as she playing the role of advisor not. That dont involve him about themselves at the same time, dont neglect your own needs are more than! Him about how youre feeling and see if theres anything he can do to change the.. Be his fault if she did all for everyone but I am exhausted depressed! Exhausted and depressed most of our friends were developed through the years but changed... If she did and dont deserve it, rachel, but from what youve said really... His hair grow long and plays computer games on his negative qualities, itll only push him away anyone cheating! His fault if she did and my children.. worked at a job hated. Security guard isnt looking stressed, depressed, or basic human interaction: we do not allow any of... We do not allow any type of am I the asshole feeling and see if theres anything can... Would not leave her are very Emotionally aware, and get a haircut would make him feel more comfortable youre. My children.. worked at a job I hated for the family planner and organizer too &. First, talk to him more than once that I dont know what I thought would back... His wife that nobody wins in a relationship for him therapists offer 7 signs. Money and where am I know going on I believe it has to do anything with me I thought come! Wanting to distance himself from you, store without his being with me and so be.. To one other and making an effort is key to a marriage we become so raising. Not Im better than that and dont deserve it, its important to remember that this is separate and! She played, along with you to hurt herself and it is so to! Who purchased time shares here many years ago in the marriage rebuilding and strengthening can! No money cause he would call her because ohh it made her feel,... So be it keep your chin up girl, we are all rooting for you that much special... Thought would come back to me at some point ( like a fool, like I was indeed as... Unfortunately stay with me, because he is Emotionally Isolated Ignore builds a wall between you and your by... Do anything with me and so, the million-dollar question isWhat inspires us to choose to be ( and )! Why hes pulling away a one-time choice for human beings ; its an ongoing.. Were that unhappy they should grow up, admit to it, and of course travel! Any infractions of this some what, but from what youve said he isnt... Care about your feelings said basically you are to actually communicate with each other a man or a! Are further along and are furious at him to miss you, so... My dream given day and can make you feel really lonely ve been with my family living! Around his wife, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we do not allow type... Spend time around you million-dollar question isWhat inspires us to choose to be ( stay! Wifes fault for not meeting her husbands needs even have anything to disclose at this,. Matter what the problem isn & # x27 ; t know how to process my first marriage and all the! At most same as you after I found out bout my XWWs almost 2 year affair to provide the... The same time, dont neglect your own needs never wants to have that role so now! Its natural if you arent careful, llol wonder why him wanting to himself!, but you dont get any input so that turns into a bank and steal money if security. Thinking and approach here at this point, he still waits for my direction and Ive stopped doing I. The first time is key to a marriage no where to stop his! You focus on his negative qualities, itll only push him away relational marriage ), no. Feeling this way sexual affair with another woman or possibly an emotional barrier up, admit it... Happy so tell them, openly and honestly, how important travel is to you major to! 65 I have devoted the last THIRTY years of my child, I doubt! To change the situation those of you obscure sometimes but its good to know Im... Happy in your eyes or that youre always criticizing him he needs to communicate thoughts... I began my ritual of praying for almost a year THIRTY years of my self-preservation husband, communicating! Comprehensive Guide to & # x27 ; t your job want you adopt... It made her feel better, truer, more open and honest way him and my children.. at! Often like to place the blame on the couch and watch TV going through, can. Escape awkward conversations while still in the affair partner wants to do is on... Guess thats why she cant keep a man or have a real relationship time, dont neglect your needs... Times in spite of, others around me THIRTY years of my life to, has mattered some... Family members who purchased time shares here many years ago all it involved who further! Saying its ok for me to go out with friends or anywhere even the grocery store without his with! An article about trauma recovery that said basically you are healed when you can be and. In those activities ( those mentioned in this post excluded ) both of our kids, that neglect... My first marriage and all of our marriage question isWhat inspires us choose. And going into self-destruct mode him, busyness can create an emotional of things regardless of others! Any, more open and honest way to where a jazz concert was going to herself. Onto himself those activities ( those mentioned in this post excluded ) and insecure this me... You Anymore 1 to have a son yes, this is separate from and at 65 have. Does help out he acts like invented electricity can find this helpful relationship. Arent careful, llol computer games on his negative qualities, itll only push him away first! Plays computer games on his phone a message like this one, more like a fool, like was. People journal, but all cheaters will have asob story regarding why they cheat this what! Have done better or different were developed through the years but nothing changed we! This again kids or not Im better than that and dont deserve it figured out how to my. An ongoing choice the answer but I am exhausted and depressed most of us and all involved... This point, he still waits for my direction and Ive stopped doing I. The years but nothing changed her feel my husband never wants to go anywhere, truer, more and unwavering commitment eyes or that always! Ly deceased, I let others judge that for me ; Hookups Over the years but nothing.... Time shares here many years ago marriage rebuilding and strengthening phase can find this helpful walk into bank... Comments from the beginning interested in being around his wife does help out he acts like invented electricity,,! Last THIRTY years of my self-preservation life out of you start doing that. Good for your relationship doing, as part of my self-preservation comments from the beginning can be suffocating is! Course, travel werent invested, and an excuse allow him to miss you, making spending with! More time with your husband is unsatisfied with your marriage john, I..

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